1
00:00:04,647 --> 00:00:06,206
Ready, march!
2
00:00:18,048 --> 00:00:21,166
Eyes… right!
3
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,799
Eyes, right!
4
00:00:38,770 --> 00:00:40,488
[DING]
5
00:00:41,771 --> 00:00:47,681
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with… "M."
6
00:00:47,771 --> 00:00:54,771
Mm… [ENCOURAGING] Mm… Mm… Mm… Mm… Mm…
7
00:00:57,212 --> 00:00:58,327
-Mmmuh…
-Mmmuuu…
8
00:00:58,411 --> 00:01:00,683
Mug!
9
00:01:00,773 --> 00:01:03,809
Oh, I say, well done, sir. Your turn.
10
00:01:03,893 --> 00:01:09,570
I spy with my bored little eye
something beginning with "T."
11
00:01:09,654 --> 00:01:11,690
-Breakfast!
-What?
12
00:01:11,774 --> 00:01:16,484
My breakfast always begins with
tea, then I have a little sausage,
13
00:01:16,574 --> 00:01:18,964
then a egg with some little soldiers.
14
00:01:19,055 --> 00:01:21,091
Baldrick, when I said it begins with "T,"
15
00:01:21,175 --> 00:01:22,688
I was talking about a letter.
16
00:01:22,775 --> 00:01:25,289
Nah, it never begins with a letter.
17
00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:27,731
The postman don't come 'til 10:30.
18
00:01:27,816 --> 00:01:29,292
I can't go on with this.
19
00:01:29,376 --> 00:01:31,412
-George, take over.
-All right, sir.
20
00:01:31,496 --> 00:01:33,851
Um… I spy with my little eye
21
00:01:33,936 --> 00:01:35,492
something beginning with "R."
22
00:01:35,576 --> 00:01:36,691
Army!
23
00:01:36,776 --> 00:01:38,051
For God's sake, Baldrick!
24
00:01:38,137 --> 00:01:39,333
"Army" starts with an "A."
25
00:01:39,417 --> 00:01:41,533
He's looking for something
that starts with an "R."
26
00:01:41,617 --> 00:01:42,687
[ROLLS TONGUE]
27
00:01:42,777 --> 00:01:43,847
Motorbike!
28
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,653
What?
29
00:01:45,737 --> 00:01:49,208
A motorbike starts
with a [IMITATES REVVING]
30
00:01:49,298 --> 00:01:50,094
All right, right, right, right.
31
00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:51,088
My turn again.
32
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:52,930
What begins with "come here"
33
00:01:53,018 --> 00:01:53,974
and ends with "ow"?
34
00:01:54,058 --> 00:01:54,694
I don't know.
35
00:01:54,778 --> 00:01:55,775
Come here.
36
00:01:55,859 --> 00:01:57,179
Ow!
37
00:01:57,779 --> 00:01:59,335
Well done.
38
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,695
[LAUGHING] No, I
don't think you've quite got
39
00:02:01,779 --> 00:02:03,615
the hang of this game, to be honest, sir.
40
00:02:03,699 --> 00:02:05,771
I tell you what, let's try another one.
41
00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:09,296
Um… I hear with my little ear,
42
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:13,692
um, something beginning with "B."
43
00:02:13,781 --> 00:02:15,055
What?
44
00:02:15,141 --> 00:02:16,495
Bomb.
45
00:02:17,541 --> 00:02:18,975
I can't hear a bomb.
46
00:02:19,061 --> 00:02:20,697
Listen very carefully.
47
00:02:20,781 --> 00:02:22,577
[WHISTLE OF APPROACHING BOMB]
48
00:02:22,661 --> 00:02:23,777
Ah, yes.
49
00:02:28,662 --> 00:02:29,697
Finished.
50
00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:30,778
Come on, then.
51
00:02:30,862 --> 00:02:32,299
All right, and then you
can tell me what you think,
52
00:02:32,383 --> 00:02:33,099
but be honest now.
53
00:02:33,183 --> 00:02:34,059
-I will!
-All right, then.
54
00:02:34,143 --> 00:02:36,699
"Dear Uncle H., how are you?"
55
00:02:36,783 --> 00:02:37,693
[NURSE LAUGHS]
56
00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:39,694
Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
57
00:02:39,783 --> 00:02:41,540
"It's beastly rotten
luck being laid up here,
58
00:02:41,624 --> 00:02:42,700
"but everyone's very nice,"
59
00:02:42,784 --> 00:02:45,420
and at least now I can
write to you every day."
60
00:02:45,504 --> 00:02:49,054
-Oh, then I put in a silly bit about, um…
-What? What?
61
00:02:49,144 --> 00:02:51,897
-No, it's, um…
-Oh, come on, you can tell me.
62
00:02:51,985 --> 00:02:54,420
"And the nurse is an absolute peach."
63
00:02:55,985 --> 00:02:57,701
Anyway, "After the explosion,
64
00:02:57,785 --> 00:02:59,181
"Captain Blackadder was marvelous."
65
00:02:59,265 --> 00:03:00,700
"He joked and joked."
66
00:03:00,786 --> 00:03:03,255
" 'You lucky, lucky, lucky bastard!
67
00:03:03,346 --> 00:03:06,099
"he cried, then he lay on his back,"
68
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,542
"stuck his foot over
the top of the trench"
69
00:03:07,626 --> 00:03:10,938
and shouted, 'Over here, Fritz!
What about me?' "
70
00:03:11,027 --> 00:03:13,303
Well, Captain Blackie does indeed
71
00:03:13,387 --> 00:03:15,537
sound a most witty and courageous chap.
72
00:03:15,627 --> 00:03:17,703
Yes, and he's very
amusing and brave, as well,
73
00:03:17,787 --> 00:03:22,384
not to mention being as clever
as a chap with three heads!
74
00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:23,697
Thanks ever so much.
75
00:03:23,788 --> 00:03:25,064
You really are terribly kind,
76
00:03:25,148 --> 00:03:28,221
as well as being dash pretty, to boot.
77
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:32,064
A fluffy pillow and a big cheery smile
78
00:03:32,149 --> 00:03:34,220
is the least my lovely boysies deserve.
79
00:03:34,309 --> 00:03:37,701
Now, you take a little trip to dozeyland.
80
00:03:37,790 --> 00:03:38,826
You've got visitors coming
81
00:03:38,910 --> 00:03:41,424
and we don't want to be
all tired and cross, do we?
82
00:03:41,510 --> 00:03:42,826
Absolutely not, no.
83
00:03:42,910 --> 00:03:45,386
It'll be so jolly to see
Baldrick and the Cap' again.
84
00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:47,187
They'll have been worried
sick about me, you know.
85
00:03:47,271 --> 00:03:50,423
All right, where is the malingering git?
86
00:03:51,311 --> 00:03:53,187
Hello, Cap! Pip-pip, Balders!
87
00:03:53,271 --> 00:03:54,386
Here I lie.
88
00:03:54,471 --> 00:03:56,827
Nice to see the lieutenant
looking so well, sir.
89
00:03:56,912 --> 00:03:59,388
Of course he's looking well.
There's nothing wrong with him.
90
00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:00,428
Pfft!
91
00:04:00,512 --> 00:04:03,388
Didn't I tell you the
Captain was a super cove!
92
00:04:03,472 --> 00:04:04,702
You did!
93
00:04:04,793 --> 00:04:07,307
Well, Captain, you are indeed fortunate
94
00:04:07,393 --> 00:04:09,862
to have a loyal friend
like darling Georgie.
95
00:04:09,953 --> 00:04:11,429
Mm, I think you might be under
96
00:04:11,513 --> 00:04:12,989
a slight misapprehension here, Nurse.
97
00:04:13,073 --> 00:04:15,190
I lost closer friends
than "darling Georgie"
98
00:04:15,274 --> 00:04:17,345
the last time I was deloused.
99
00:04:17,434 --> 00:04:20,267
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got better things to do
100
00:04:20,354 --> 00:04:22,709
than exchange pleasantries
with a wet blanket.
101
00:04:22,794 --> 00:04:23,865
Would you get out?
102
00:04:23,955 --> 00:04:26,390
We've got some
important military business.
103
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,352
Well, ten minutes only, then.
104
00:04:30,275 --> 00:04:32,027
Right, porkface, where's the grub?
105
00:04:32,115 --> 00:04:33,265
Pardon?
106
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:36,072
Come on, the moment that
collection of inbred mutants
107
00:04:36,156 --> 00:04:37,872
you call your relatives
heard you were sick,
108
00:04:37,956 --> 00:04:40,712
they'll have sent you a hamper
the size of Westminster Abbey.
109
00:04:40,796 --> 00:04:43,710
My family is not inbred!
110
00:04:43,797 --> 00:04:45,793
Come on, somewhere outside Saffron-Waldon
111
00:04:45,877 --> 00:04:48,513
there's an uncle who's
seven feet tall with no chin
112
00:04:48,597 --> 00:04:50,748
and an Adam's apple that makes him look
113
00:04:50,838 --> 00:04:53,394
as though he's constantly
trying to swallow a ballcock.
114
00:04:53,478 --> 00:04:56,754
I have not got any uncles like that!
115
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:59,714
Anyway, he lives in Walton-on-the-Naze.
116
00:04:59,798 --> 00:05:02,234
Well, exactly. Now, where's the tuck?
117
00:05:02,319 --> 00:05:04,435
Well, there were one or two things, yes.
118
00:05:04,519 --> 00:05:06,075
There was, uh, a potted turkey,
119
00:05:06,159 --> 00:05:08,715
a cow in jelly, three tinned sheep,
120
00:05:08,799 --> 00:05:12,191
and, uh, 1, 200 chocolates.
121
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:14,669
-But, in my weakened state…
-Yes?
122
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,876
-I, uh, I ate them.
-What?!
123
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,517
Well, Nurse Mary nibbled a trotter or two,
124
00:05:19,601 --> 00:05:21,637
but oh, Cap, she's such wonderful girl.
125
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:23,197
She helps me with all my letters.
126
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,717
She can do all the German spelling,
127
00:05:24,801 --> 00:05:26,237
and she's terribly good at punctuation.
128
00:05:26,321 --> 00:05:28,198
I don't care if she can sing
129
00:05:28,282 --> 00:05:31,798
"I May Be a Tiny Chimney Sweep
But I've Got an Enormous Brush."
130
00:05:31,882 --> 00:05:33,438
Come on, Baldrick.
131
00:05:33,522 --> 00:05:34,518
The only thing we're going to get
132
00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,118
for free around here is dysentery.
133
00:05:36,202 --> 00:05:38,194
[WHISPERS] But, sir, I haven't given
134
00:05:38,283 --> 00:05:40,199
Lieutenant George my bunch of flowers yet.
135
00:05:40,283 --> 00:05:41,119
All right, hurry up, hurry up.
136
00:05:41,203 --> 00:05:44,400
Here you are, sir, I got you these.
137
00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:49,718
Unfortunately, they've
had their heads shot off.
138
00:05:49,804 --> 00:05:51,320
Where others choose
to say it with flowers,
139
00:05:51,404 --> 00:05:53,520
Baldrick says it with stalks.
140
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,601
Well, Captain, I'm afraid
you'll have to leave us now.
141
00:05:55,685 --> 00:05:56,720
Oh, really?
142
00:05:56,805 --> 00:05:59,761
Yes, you must report to
General Melchett immediately.
143
00:05:59,845 --> 00:06:01,119
Oh, great.
144
00:06:01,205 --> 00:06:04,161
Yet another tempting
opportunity for suicide beckons.
145
00:06:04,245 --> 00:06:06,442
Gosh, I wish I could come
with you, you know, sir.
146
00:06:06,526 --> 00:06:09,917
Oh, no. You must take care, my brave hero.
147
00:06:10,006 --> 00:06:11,642
Brave hero, Nurse?
148
00:06:11,726 --> 00:06:14,718
I was more wounded the
last time I clipped my toenails.
149
00:06:14,807 --> 00:06:16,957
Take no notice of him.
150
00:06:17,047 --> 00:06:20,161
[MOCKING] Yes, pay no
attention to the nasty man.
151
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,803
Look, if I can't give my brave boys
152
00:06:22,887 --> 00:06:25,644
a kind word and a big
smile, what can I give them?
153
00:06:25,728 --> 00:06:29,642
Well, one or two ideas
do suggest themselves,
154
00:06:29,728 --> 00:06:31,978
but you'd probably think
they were unhygienic.
155
00:06:35,049 --> 00:06:37,086
Come on, Baldrick.
156
00:06:41,049 --> 00:06:42,643
Hello, what's your name?
157
00:06:42,730 --> 00:06:47,440
[GERMAN ACCENT] My name is Mr. Smith.
158
00:06:47,530 --> 00:06:50,283
I'm sorry that you've been landed opposite
159
00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:52,487
such a total git, Smith.
160
00:06:52,571 --> 00:06:53,687
It's bad enough to be wounded
161
00:06:53,771 --> 00:06:56,206
without having to share
a ward with Banana-Brain.
162
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:58,726
Danke schön, danke schön
163
00:06:58,811 --> 00:07:02,688
Ich bin ganz comfortable, old fruit.
164
00:07:02,772 --> 00:07:04,046
Yes.
165
00:07:05,052 --> 00:07:06,406
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
166
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,403
MELCHETT: Enter.
167
00:07:12,653 --> 00:07:14,564
Hello?
168
00:07:15,813 --> 00:07:17,247
Hello?
169
00:07:35,215 --> 00:07:36,889
Ahhh!
170
00:07:37,936 --> 00:07:39,813
Right, spread 'em!
171
00:07:42,816 --> 00:07:45,205
Right, he's clean, sir.
172
00:07:45,296 --> 00:07:46,129
Baahh!
173
00:07:46,217 --> 00:07:47,853
Can anyone tell me what's going on?
174
00:07:47,937 --> 00:07:49,689
Security, Blackadder.
175
00:07:49,777 --> 00:07:50,733
Security?
176
00:07:50,817 --> 00:07:54,731
"Security" isn't a dirty word, Blackadder.
177
00:07:54,817 --> 00:07:58,732
"Crevice" is a dirty
word, but "security" isn't.
178
00:07:58,818 --> 00:08:00,294
So, in the name of security, sir,
179
00:08:00,378 --> 00:08:01,934
everyone who enters the room has to have
180
00:08:02,018 --> 00:08:05,614
his bottom fondled
by this drooling pervert.
181
00:08:05,699 --> 00:08:07,610
Only doing my job, Blackadder.
182
00:08:07,699 --> 00:08:09,495
Oh, well, how lucky you are, then,
183
00:08:09,579 --> 00:08:11,695
that your job is also your hobby.
184
00:08:11,779 --> 00:08:14,416
Now there's another dirty word: "job."
185
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:15,736
Sir, is there something the matter?
186
00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:17,856
You're damn right there
is something the matter…
187
00:08:17,940 --> 00:08:20,250
Something sinister and
something grotesque.
188
00:08:20,340 --> 00:08:21,976
And what's worse is that
189
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:24,697
it's going on right here
under my very nose.
190
00:08:24,781 --> 00:08:26,577
Sir, your mustache is lovely.
191
00:08:26,661 --> 00:08:30,890
What the general means,
Blackadder, is there's a leak.
192
00:08:30,981 --> 00:08:33,735
Now "leak" is a
positively disgusting word.
193
00:08:33,822 --> 00:08:36,378
The Germans seem to be able
to anticipate our every move.
194
00:08:36,462 --> 00:08:37,975
We send up an airplane,
195
00:08:38,062 --> 00:08:41,054
there's a Jerry squadron
parked behind the nearest cloud.
196
00:08:41,142 --> 00:08:43,739
We move troops to Boulogne,
the Germans have bought
197
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:45,739
the entire town's
supply of lavatory paper.
198
00:08:45,823 --> 00:08:48,939
In short, a German spy is giving away
199
00:08:49,023 --> 00:08:50,580
every one of our battle plans.
200
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,380
You look surprised, Blackadder.
201
00:08:52,464 --> 00:08:53,898
I certainly am, sir.
202
00:08:53,984 --> 00:08:56,294
I didn't realize we had any battle plans.
203
00:08:56,384 --> 00:08:58,375
Well, of course we have!
204
00:08:58,464 --> 00:09:01,261
How else do you think
the battles are directed?
205
00:09:01,345 --> 00:09:03,621
Our battles are directed, sir?
206
00:09:03,705 --> 00:09:05,101
Well, of course they are, Blackadder,
207
00:09:05,185 --> 00:09:07,221
directed according to the grand plan.
208
00:09:07,305 --> 00:09:09,862
Would that be the plan to
continue with total slaughter
209
00:09:09,946 --> 00:09:10,902
until everyone's dead
210
00:09:10,986 --> 00:09:12,702
except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig,
211
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:15,422
and their tortoise, Alan?
212
00:09:15,506 --> 00:09:16,940
Great Scott!
213
00:09:17,026 --> 00:09:19,063
Even you know it!
214
00:09:19,147 --> 00:09:21,741
Guard! Guard! Bolt all the doors!
215
00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:24,623
Hammer large pieces of crooked
wood against all the windows!
216
00:09:24,707 --> 00:09:27,541
This security leak is far
worse than we'd imagined!
217
00:09:27,628 --> 00:09:29,062
So you see, Blackadder,
218
00:09:29,148 --> 00:09:30,784
Field Marshal Haig is most anxious
219
00:09:30,868 --> 00:09:32,779
to eliminate all these German spies.
220
00:09:32,868 --> 00:09:36,745
Filthy Hun weasels fighting
their dirty underhand war!
221
00:09:36,829 --> 00:09:38,820
And, fortunately, one of our spies…
222
00:09:38,909 --> 00:09:42,504
Splendid fellows, brave heroes,
risking life and limb for Blighty
223
00:09:42,589 --> 00:09:45,741
has discovered that the leak is
coming from the field hospital.
224
00:09:45,829 --> 00:09:49,346
You think there's a German
spy in the field hospital?
225
00:09:49,430 --> 00:09:50,746
I think you might be right, there.
226
00:09:50,830 --> 00:09:54,744
Your job, Blackadder,
is to root this spy out.
227
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:55,787
How long do you think you'll need?
228
00:09:55,871 --> 00:09:56,906
Uh…
229
00:09:56,991 --> 00:09:59,027
You'll have to be away from
the trenches for some time.
230
00:09:59,111 --> 00:10:00,146
Six months?
231
00:10:00,231 --> 00:10:02,947
Too bad, Blackadder.
You've got three weeks.
232
00:10:03,031 --> 00:10:05,228
Yes, three weeks to smoke the bugger out!
233
00:10:05,312 --> 00:10:07,064
Use any method you see fit.
234
00:10:07,152 --> 00:10:08,745
Personally, I'd recommend you
235
00:10:08,832 --> 00:10:10,228
get hold of a cooker spaniel,
236
00:10:10,312 --> 00:10:12,428
tie your suspect down on a chair
237
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:13,989
with a potty on his head,
238
00:10:14,073 --> 00:10:17,189
then pop his todger
between two flowery baps
239
00:10:17,273 --> 00:10:19,833
and shout, "Dinner time, Fido!"
240
00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:23,750
However, if you are successful,
241
00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:25,745
I shall need you back here permanently
242
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:29,110
to head up my new security
network, Operation: Winkle.
243
00:10:29,194 --> 00:10:32,586
-Winkle?
-Yes, to winkle out the spies.
244
00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:33,751
You never mentioned this to me, sir!
245
00:10:33,835 --> 00:10:36,471
Well, we have to have some
secrets, don't we, Darling?
246
00:10:36,555 --> 00:10:38,990
Right, well, I'll be back in three weeks.
247
00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:40,304
Excellent.
248
00:10:40,395 --> 00:10:42,072
And if you come back with the information,
249
00:10:42,156 --> 00:10:43,792
Captain Darling will pump you thoroughly
250
00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:45,071
in the debriefing room.
251
00:10:47,796 --> 00:10:50,072
Not while I have my strength, he won't.
252
00:10:52,957 --> 00:10:54,470
Damnation, sir!
253
00:10:54,557 --> 00:10:55,953
His insolence makes my blood boil!
254
00:10:56,037 --> 00:10:57,948
What's more, I don't trust him, sir.
255
00:10:58,037 --> 00:10:59,113
I think it would be best
256
00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:01,947
if I went to the hospital
myself to keep an eye on him.
257
00:11:02,038 --> 00:11:04,754
What, spy on our own spy
as he searches for their spy?
258
00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:05,834
Yes, why not?
259
00:11:05,918 --> 00:11:06,669
Sounds rather fun.
260
00:11:06,758 --> 00:11:08,669
You'll have to go undercover.
261
00:11:08,758 --> 00:11:09,555
Oh, definitely, sir.
262
00:11:09,639 --> 00:11:12,514
You'll need some kind of
wound, a convincing wound.
263
00:11:12,599 --> 00:11:14,829
-Naturally, sir.
-Yes.
264
00:11:16,079 --> 00:11:17,831
Aah!
265
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:23,916
Yes… that looks quite convincing.
266
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:28,597
Right, pack me a toothbrush, Baldrick,
267
00:11:28,681 --> 00:11:29,831
we're going on holiday.
268
00:11:29,921 --> 00:11:31,275
Hurray! Where to?
269
00:11:31,361 --> 00:11:32,317
Hospital.
270
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,551
Oh, no, I hate "hostipals."
271
00:11:34,641 --> 00:11:36,952
My grandfather went into one,
272
00:11:37,042 --> 00:11:40,034
and when he come out, he was dead.
273
00:11:40,122 --> 00:11:42,875
He was also dead when
he went in, Baldrick.
274
00:11:42,962 --> 00:11:44,758
He'd been run over by a traction engine.
275
00:11:44,842 --> 00:11:46,959
I don't like them doctors.
276
00:11:47,043 --> 00:11:49,759
If they start poking around inside me…
277
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:51,239
Baldrick, why would anyone wish
278
00:11:51,323 --> 00:11:52,757
to poke around inside you?
279
00:11:52,843 --> 00:11:55,153
They might find me interesting.
280
00:11:55,244 --> 00:12:00,876
I find the Great Northern and
Metropolitan sewage system interesting,
281
00:12:00,964 --> 00:12:02,760
but that doesn't mean that I
want to put on some rubber gloves
282
00:12:02,844 --> 00:12:05,758
and pull things out of it
with a pair of tweezers.
283
00:12:05,845 --> 00:12:07,641
Still, I tell you what, sir,
284
00:12:07,725 --> 00:12:10,281
you might have a chance to get to know
285
00:12:10,365 --> 00:12:11,844
that pretty nurse.
286
00:12:13,085 --> 00:12:14,402
No, thank you, Baldrick.
287
00:12:14,486 --> 00:12:17,478
She's as wet as a fish's wet bits.
288
00:12:17,566 --> 00:12:20,202
I'd rather get to know you.
289
00:12:20,286 --> 00:12:21,922
I'm not available, sir.
290
00:12:22,006 --> 00:12:25,318
I'm waiting for Miss Right to come along
291
00:12:25,407 --> 00:12:27,603
and gather me up in her arms.
292
00:12:27,687 --> 00:12:29,003
Yes, I wouldn't be too hopeful.
293
00:12:29,087 --> 00:12:31,761
We'd have to get her arms
out of a straitjacket first.
294
00:12:31,847 --> 00:12:33,964
Now get packing!
295
00:12:34,368 --> 00:12:36,404
So very interesting!
296
00:12:36,488 --> 00:12:38,764
Please do continue, old bean.
297
00:12:38,848 --> 00:12:40,759
Right, then I go on to say,
298
00:12:40,848 --> 00:12:43,602
"The orders came
through for us to advance
299
00:12:43,689 --> 00:12:45,760
at 0800 hours in a pincer movement."
300
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:46,964
Gosh, how exciting!
301
00:12:47,049 --> 00:12:49,884
-Yes, well, hmm…
-Afternoon, George.
302
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:51,119
Ah, hello, Cap!
303
00:12:51,210 --> 00:12:52,359
Ah, Captain.
304
00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:55,246
I hope you're going to conduct yourself
with a little more decorum this time.
305
00:12:55,330 --> 00:12:57,366
No, I am going to conduct
myself with no decorum.
306
00:12:57,450 --> 00:12:58,360
Shove off!
307
00:12:58,450 --> 00:12:59,645
Oh!
308
00:13:00,731 --> 00:13:05,087
Ah, jawohl, Herr Kapitän
So, Cap, what's going on?
309
00:13:05,171 --> 00:13:07,765
Well, there's a German
spy in the hospital,
310
00:13:07,851 --> 00:13:09,568
and it's my job to find him.
311
00:13:09,652 --> 00:13:12,206
A Ger… Well, snakes alive!
312
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,768
Exciting stuff, eh?
313
00:13:13,852 --> 00:13:14,922
Wait a minute!
314
00:13:15,012 --> 00:13:16,248
I think I might have a plan already.
315
00:13:16,332 --> 00:13:17,606
What is it?
316
00:13:17,692 --> 00:13:18,809
Have a look through the list of patients
317
00:13:18,893 --> 00:13:20,169
and see if there's anyone here
318
00:13:20,253 --> 00:13:21,846
whose name begins with "Von."
319
00:13:23,733 --> 00:13:24,929
Well, it's almost bound to be your bloke!
320
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:27,730
I think we may find that
he's using a false name.
321
00:13:27,814 --> 00:13:28,770
Oh, crikey.
322
00:13:28,854 --> 00:13:30,810
Well, that's hardly fair, now, is it?
323
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:34,410
I, too, have a cunning
plan to catch the spy, sir.
324
00:13:34,494 --> 00:13:36,246
Do you, Baldrick, do you?
325
00:13:36,334 --> 00:13:39,487
You go round the
hostipal and ask everyone,
326
00:13:39,575 --> 00:13:43,611
"Are you a German spy?"
327
00:13:43,695 --> 00:13:45,091
Yes, I must say, Baldrick,
328
00:13:45,175 --> 00:13:47,132
I appreciate your involvement
on the creative side.
329
00:13:47,216 --> 00:13:48,729
If it was me, I'd own up.
330
00:13:48,816 --> 00:13:49,772
Of course you would.
331
00:13:49,856 --> 00:13:51,252
But, sadly, the enemy have not added
332
00:13:51,336 --> 00:13:53,332
to the German army
entrance form the requirement,
333
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:56,853
"Must have intellectual
capacity of a boiled potato."
334
00:13:56,937 --> 00:14:00,692
-Now, Baldrick, see that man over there?
-Yeah.
335
00:14:00,777 --> 00:14:02,848
I want you to stick to him like a limpet.
336
00:14:02,937 --> 00:14:04,654
Make sure he doesn't leave the hospital.
337
00:14:04,738 --> 00:14:05,933
Yes, sir.
338
00:14:08,258 --> 00:14:09,574
Hello, Darling. What are you doing here?
339
00:14:09,658 --> 00:14:11,774
Bullet in the foot.
340
00:14:11,858 --> 00:14:13,775
Well, I can understand people at the front
341
00:14:13,859 --> 00:14:15,335
trying to shoot themselves in the foot,
342
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:17,375
but when you're 35 miles behind the line…
343
00:14:17,459 --> 00:14:19,655
I did not shoot myself.
344
00:14:19,739 --> 00:14:21,775
The General did it.
345
00:14:21,859 --> 00:14:23,456
Finally got fed up with you, did he?
346
00:14:23,540 --> 00:14:24,936
No, it was a mistake.
347
00:14:25,020 --> 00:14:26,852
Oh, he was aiming for your head.
348
00:14:26,940 --> 00:14:28,772
He wasn't aiming for anything.
349
00:14:28,860 --> 00:14:31,096
Oh, so he was going for
between your legs, then.
350
00:14:31,180 --> 00:14:32,774
Very funny, Blackadder.
351
00:14:32,861 --> 00:14:34,137
You'll be laughing on
the other side of your face
352
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:35,537
if you don't find this spy.
353
00:14:35,621 --> 00:14:36,777
Don't you worry, Darling.
354
00:14:36,861 --> 00:14:39,177
I intend to start interviewing
suspects immediately.
355
00:14:39,261 --> 00:14:42,698
This is completely ridiculous, Blackadder!
356
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,778
You can't suspect me.
I've only just arrived.
357
00:14:44,862 --> 00:14:47,138
The first rule of
counterespionage, Darling,
358
00:14:47,222 --> 00:14:48,218
is to suspect everyone.
359
00:14:48,302 --> 00:14:50,098
Believe me, I shall be asking myself
360
00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,219
some pretty searching questions later.
361
00:14:52,303 --> 00:14:54,579
Now, tell me, what is the color
362
00:14:54,663 --> 00:14:56,139
of the Queen of England's favorite hat?
363
00:14:56,223 --> 00:14:58,179
How the hell should I know?
364
00:14:58,263 --> 00:14:59,219
I see.
365
00:14:59,303 --> 00:15:02,376
Well, let me ask you another question.
366
00:15:02,464 --> 00:15:04,774
What is the name of the
German head of state?
367
00:15:04,864 --> 00:15:06,500
Well, Kaiser Wilhelm, obviously.
368
00:15:06,584 --> 00:15:09,301
So, you're on first name
terms with the Kaiser, are you?
369
00:15:09,385 --> 00:15:11,615
Well, what did you expect me to say?
370
00:15:11,705 --> 00:15:16,378
Darling, Darling, shh… Cigarette?
371
00:15:16,465 --> 00:15:17,864
Thank you.
372
00:15:24,346 --> 00:15:26,302
All right you, stinking piece of crap!
373
00:15:26,386 --> 00:15:28,103
I beg your pardon?
374
00:15:28,187 --> 00:15:29,183
Shut your cakehole!
375
00:15:29,267 --> 00:15:31,743
Tell me, von Darling, what
finally won you over, eh?
376
00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:33,101
Was it the pumpernickel,
377
00:15:33,187 --> 00:15:34,743
or was it the thought of hanging around
378
00:15:34,827 --> 00:15:35,983
with big men in leather shorts?
379
00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:39,184
I'll have you court-martialed
for this, Blackadder!
380
00:15:39,268 --> 00:15:40,504
What, for obeying the general's orders?
381
00:15:40,588 --> 00:15:41,864
That may be what you do in Munich,
382
00:15:41,948 --> 00:15:43,461
or should I say Munchen?
383
00:15:43,548 --> 00:15:44,822
But not here, Werner!
384
00:15:44,908 --> 00:15:46,705
You're a filthy Hun spy, aren't you?
385
00:15:46,789 --> 00:15:48,860
Baldrick, the cooker spaniel, please!
386
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,064
No! No! No!
387
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:52,504
Wait! No, look, I'm English!
388
00:15:52,589 --> 00:15:53,784
I was born in Croydon!
389
00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:56,986
I was educated at
Ipplethorpe Primary School!
390
00:15:57,070 --> 00:15:58,546
I've got a girlfriend called Doris!
391
00:15:58,630 --> 00:16:01,106
I know the words to all three
verses of "God Save the King"!
392
00:16:01,190 --> 00:16:02,666
-Four verses.
-Four verses!
393
00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:03,945
I meant four verses!
394
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,784
Look, I'm as British as Queen Victoria!
395
00:16:06,871 --> 00:16:09,101
So your father's German,
you're half-German,
396
00:16:09,191 --> 00:16:10,907
and you married a German?
397
00:16:10,991 --> 00:16:12,787
[CRYING] No! No!
398
00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:15,785
Look, for God's sake,
I'm not a German spy!
399
00:16:15,872 --> 00:16:17,146
Good. Thanks very much.
400
00:16:17,232 --> 00:16:18,832
Send in the next man, would you?
401
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,748
What is all this noise about?
402
00:16:21,832 --> 00:16:23,870
Don't you realize this is a hospital?
403
00:16:25,313 --> 00:16:26,789
You'll regret this, Blackadder.
404
00:16:26,873 --> 00:16:29,786
You'd better find the real spy
405
00:16:29,873 --> 00:16:31,829
or I'll make it very hard for you.
406
00:16:31,913 --> 00:16:34,013
Please, Darling, there are ladies present.
407
00:16:39,154 --> 00:16:40,550
[LOUD CRASH]
408
00:16:40,634 --> 00:16:42,148
[DARLING SCREAMS IN PAIN]
409
00:16:44,875 --> 00:16:46,431
Well, well, Captain Blackadder,
410
00:16:46,515 --> 00:16:48,791
this is an unexpected pleasure.
411
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:49,751
What?
412
00:16:49,835 --> 00:16:51,588
Nice to have you back with us.
413
00:16:51,676 --> 00:16:54,712
A spy-catcher, eh? Huh!
414
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:56,707
That silly kid George was right.
415
00:16:56,796 --> 00:16:58,787
You are a bally hero.
416
00:16:58,876 --> 00:16:59,992
Wait a minute.
417
00:17:00,077 --> 00:17:02,068
I thought you liked George.
418
00:17:02,157 --> 00:17:04,713
That's just my bedside manner.
419
00:17:04,797 --> 00:17:07,107
What I call my "fluffy bunny act."
420
00:17:07,197 --> 00:17:08,790
So you're not a drip after all.
421
00:17:08,877 --> 00:17:10,107
Oh, no.
422
00:17:10,198 --> 00:17:13,314
So, Mr. Spy-Catcher, how's it going?
423
00:17:13,398 --> 00:17:14,991
Well, not much luck so far.
424
00:17:15,078 --> 00:17:16,954
I think he might be as difficult to find
425
00:17:17,038 --> 00:17:20,111
as a piece of hay in a
massive stack full of needles.
426
00:17:20,199 --> 00:17:23,075
So you're going to be
around for quite a while, then.
427
00:17:23,159 --> 00:17:24,832
Looks like it.
428
00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:28,231
Good, because, uh
429
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,870
it can get pretty lonely
'round here, you know.
430
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,873
God, it's nice to have
someone healthy to talk to!
431
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,953
-Cigarette?
-No, thank you.
432
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:41,077
I only smoke cigarettes after making love.
433
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:44,916
So, back in England, I'm a 20-a-day man.
434
00:17:52,402 --> 00:17:53,878
A man should smoke.
435
00:17:53,962 --> 00:17:56,193
It acts as an expectorant
436
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:59,799
and gives his voice a deep,
gravely, masculine tone.
437
00:17:59,883 --> 00:18:01,874
God, I love nurses.
438
00:18:01,963 --> 00:18:04,680
They're so disgustingly clinical!
439
00:18:04,764 --> 00:18:09,157
-Tell me, Captain Blackadder…
-Edmund.
440
00:18:09,244 --> 00:18:13,195
Edmund, when this
war is over, do you think
441
00:18:13,284 --> 00:18:15,201
we might get to know
each other a little better?
442
00:18:15,285 --> 00:18:16,400
Yes, why not?
443
00:18:16,485 --> 00:18:17,801
When this madness is finished,
444
00:18:17,885 --> 00:18:19,481
perhaps we could go cycling together,
445
00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:22,318
take a trip down to the Old Swan at Henley
446
00:18:22,405 --> 00:18:23,522
and go for a walk in the woods.
447
00:18:23,606 --> 00:18:27,565
Yes, or we could just do
it right now on the desk.
448
00:18:31,286 --> 00:18:34,006
Yeah, okay.
449
00:18:36,727 --> 00:18:38,161
Ah, Baldrick.
450
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:40,323
Have you seen Nurse Mary?
I need someone to post this letter.
451
00:18:40,407 --> 00:18:42,797
She's in her office with the captain, sir.
452
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:46,283
Ah, poor girl, tied to
her desk, day and night.
453
00:18:46,888 --> 00:18:48,242
Ah, Cap!
454
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,164
I hear you've been
seeing a lot of Nurse Mary.
455
00:18:50,248 --> 00:18:52,320
Yes, almost all of her, in fact.
456
00:18:52,409 --> 00:18:53,805
How is she, sir?
457
00:18:53,889 --> 00:18:54,889
Unbelievable!
458
00:18:57,329 --> 00:18:58,685
What I really want to know is,
459
00:18:58,769 --> 00:19:00,726
are you any closer to finding the spy?
460
00:19:00,810 --> 00:19:03,484
Yes, I think I'm getting there, George.
461
00:19:03,570 --> 00:19:05,206
Everything all right, Smith?
462
00:19:05,290 --> 00:19:07,566
Oh, ja, excellent, excellent.
463
00:19:07,650 --> 00:19:09,324
Jolly good.
464
00:19:10,531 --> 00:19:12,807
Smithy, you haven't seen
465
00:19:12,891 --> 00:19:14,807
any suspicious characters
hanging around, have you,
466
00:19:14,891 --> 00:19:16,207
who might be German spies?
467
00:19:16,291 --> 00:19:19,485
Nein Nine?!
468
00:19:19,572 --> 00:19:24,282
Well, the Cap's got
his work cut out, then.
469
00:19:25,812 --> 00:19:27,609
Tell me, Edmund,
470
00:19:27,693 --> 00:19:29,809
do you have someone special in your life?
471
00:19:29,893 --> 00:19:32,203
Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
472
00:19:32,293 --> 00:19:34,284
-Who?
-Me.
473
00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:38,810
No, I mean someone you love and cherish
474
00:19:38,894 --> 00:19:42,686
and want to keep safe from
all the horror and the hurt.
475
00:19:42,774 --> 00:19:45,084
Um… still me, really.
476
00:19:45,174 --> 00:19:49,371
No, but back home, in England,
477
00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:53,044
there must be someone
waiting, some sweetheart.
478
00:19:53,135 --> 00:19:55,605
Oh, a girl. Nah.
479
00:19:55,696 --> 00:19:58,812
I've always been a
soldier, married to the Army.
480
00:19:58,896 --> 00:20:01,968
The Book of King's
Regulations is my mistress,
481
00:20:02,056 --> 00:20:04,286
possibly with a Harrod's
lingerie catalogue
482
00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:06,607
discreetly tucked between the pages.
483
00:20:06,697 --> 00:20:08,847
And no casual girlfriends?
484
00:20:08,937 --> 00:20:11,451
Skirt? Hah!
485
00:20:11,537 --> 00:20:13,812
If only… When I joined up,
486
00:20:13,898 --> 00:20:15,414
we were still fighting colonial wars.
487
00:20:15,498 --> 00:20:17,774
If you saw someone in a skirt,
488
00:20:17,858 --> 00:20:19,658
you shot him and nicked his country.
489
00:20:20,618 --> 00:20:22,895
What about you? Have you got a man?
490
00:20:22,979 --> 00:20:25,573
Some fine fellow in an
English country village?
491
00:20:25,659 --> 00:20:26,975
A vicar, maybe?
492
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:30,893
Quiet, gentle, hung like a baboon.
493
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:36,816
There was a man I cared for a little.
494
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:41,817
Wonderful chap… strong, athletic…
What happened to him?
495
00:20:41,901 --> 00:20:43,812
He bought it.
496
00:20:43,901 --> 00:20:45,335
I'm so sorry.
497
00:20:45,421 --> 00:20:47,890
I didn't realize that that
was the arrangement.
498
00:20:47,981 --> 00:20:49,813
Um, so what's it been?
499
00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:52,858
Uh, 12 nights and,
let's say, nine afternoons.
500
00:20:52,942 --> 00:20:56,098
-How much is…
-I mean he died.
501
00:20:56,182 --> 00:20:57,855
Oh, I'm sorry.
502
00:20:57,942 --> 00:21:01,538
He was test-driving one of
those new tank contraptions,
503
00:21:01,623 --> 00:21:02,819
and the bloody thing blew up.
504
00:21:02,903 --> 00:21:04,496
What a waste.
505
00:21:04,583 --> 00:21:06,733
God, I hope they've scrapped the lot.
506
00:21:06,823 --> 00:21:08,619
Ha! Fat chance.
507
00:21:08,703 --> 00:21:12,740
They're going to use 40
of them next week at, oh…
508
00:21:12,824 --> 00:21:13,740
Sorry, I mustn't talk about that.
509
00:21:13,824 --> 00:21:15,420
You never know who might be listening.
510
00:21:15,504 --> 00:21:17,814
No, of course.
511
00:21:17,904 --> 00:21:21,181
Oh, God, I miss him so much.
512
00:21:21,265 --> 00:21:22,821
He was such a wonderful chap.
513
00:21:22,905 --> 00:21:24,461
Clever too, I expect.
514
00:21:24,545 --> 00:21:25,660
Brilliant.
515
00:21:25,745 --> 00:21:27,902
Went to one of the great
universities, I suppose…
516
00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:31,180
Oxford… Cambridge… Hull…
517
00:21:32,106 --> 00:21:33,301
Mmm.
518
00:21:34,786 --> 00:21:36,823
But why are we making small talk
519
00:21:36,907 --> 00:21:38,463
when we could be making big love?
520
00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:39,821
Good point.
521
00:21:39,907 --> 00:21:41,739
This could be our last chance.
522
00:21:41,827 --> 00:21:42,976
My three weeks are up.
523
00:21:43,067 --> 00:21:45,536
I'm going back to staff HQ tomorrow.
524
00:21:45,627 --> 00:21:47,344
Look, why don't you come with me?
525
00:21:47,428 --> 00:21:48,304
It could be fun.
526
00:21:48,388 --> 00:21:49,624
We could have supper or something.
527
00:21:49,708 --> 00:21:52,302
How about something first, then supper?
528
00:21:52,388 --> 00:21:54,061
Good idea!
529
00:21:57,589 --> 00:21:59,305
Ah, hello, Blackadder.
530
00:21:59,389 --> 00:22:00,584
Good morning, sir.
531
00:22:00,669 --> 00:22:02,465
Uh, may I introduce Nurse Fletcher-Brown.
532
00:22:02,549 --> 00:22:05,426
She's been very supportive
during my work at the hospital.
533
00:22:05,510 --> 00:22:07,146
How do you do, young lady?
534
00:22:07,230 --> 00:22:08,823
[LAUGHS MISCHIEVOUSLY]
535
00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,628
Do sit down.
536
00:22:11,670 --> 00:22:14,307
So, any news of the spy, Blackadder?
537
00:22:14,391 --> 00:22:16,064
-Yes, sir.
-Excellent.
538
00:22:16,151 --> 00:22:18,107
The Germans seem to
know every move we make!
539
00:22:18,191 --> 00:22:20,102
I had a letter from Jerry yesterday.
540
00:22:20,191 --> 00:22:22,421
It said, "Isn't it about time
541
00:22:22,511 --> 00:22:24,788
you changed your shirts, walrus-face?"
542
00:22:25,912 --> 00:22:27,788
So, do you have any ideas
who it might be, young lady?
543
00:22:27,872 --> 00:22:29,943
Well, sir, I'm only a humble nurse,
544
00:22:30,032 --> 00:22:32,069
but I did at one point think it might be…
545
00:22:32,153 --> 00:22:33,469
Captain Darling.
546
00:22:33,553 --> 00:22:35,509
Well, bugger me with a fish fork!
547
00:22:35,593 --> 00:22:38,984
Old Darling, a Jerry Morse-tapper?
548
00:22:39,073 --> 00:22:40,984
What on earth made you suspect him?
549
00:22:41,073 --> 00:22:43,065
Well, he pooh-pooh'd the captain here
550
00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:45,225
and said that he'd never find the spy.
551
00:22:45,314 --> 00:22:46,827
Is this true, Blackadder?
552
00:22:46,914 --> 00:22:48,825
Did Captain Darling pooh-pooh you?
553
00:22:48,914 --> 00:22:50,871
Well, perhaps a little.
554
00:22:50,955 --> 00:22:53,344
Damn it all, what more
evidence do you need?
555
00:22:53,435 --> 00:22:55,791
The pooh-poohing alone
is a court-martial offense!
556
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,024
I can assure you, sir,
557
00:22:57,115 --> 00:22:58,951
that the pooh-poohing
was purely circumstantial.
558
00:22:59,035 --> 00:23:00,832
Well, I hope so, Blackadder.
559
00:23:00,916 --> 00:23:03,112
You know, if there's one thing
560
00:23:03,196 --> 00:23:04,592
I've learned from being in the Army,
561
00:23:04,676 --> 00:23:06,712
it's never ignore a pooh-pooh.
562
00:23:06,796 --> 00:23:09,433
I knew a major, got pooh-pooh'd
563
00:23:09,517 --> 00:23:11,667
made the mistake of
ignoring the pooh-pooh.
564
00:23:11,757 --> 00:23:12,827
He pooh-pooh'd it.
565
00:23:12,917 --> 00:23:16,069
Fatal error, because
it turned out all along
566
00:23:16,157 --> 00:23:17,353
that the soldier who pooh-pooed him
567
00:23:17,437 --> 00:23:18,834
had been pooh-poohing
a lot of other officers
568
00:23:18,918 --> 00:23:21,068
who pooh-pooh'd their pooh-poohs.
569
00:23:21,158 --> 00:23:23,194
In the end, we had to
disband the regiment,
570
00:23:23,278 --> 00:23:27,835
morale totally destroyed… by pooh-pooh!
571
00:23:27,919 --> 00:23:29,475
Yes, I think we may be
572
00:23:29,559 --> 00:23:30,875
drifting slightly from
the point here, sir,
573
00:23:30,959 --> 00:23:33,833
which is that, unfortunately,
and to my lasting regret,
574
00:23:33,919 --> 00:23:35,830
Captain Darling is not the spy.
575
00:23:35,919 --> 00:23:37,593
Oh? And then who the hell is?
576
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,356
Well, sir, there is a man in the hospital
577
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,436
with a pronounced limp and
a very strong German accent.
578
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,750
It must be him… it's obvious.
579
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:45,837
Obvious, but wrong.
580
00:23:45,921 --> 00:23:46,831
It's not him.
581
00:23:46,921 --> 00:23:47,831
And why not?
582
00:23:47,921 --> 00:23:49,437
Because, sir, not even
the Germans would be
583
00:23:49,521 --> 00:23:50,917
stupid enough to field a spy
584
00:23:51,001 --> 00:23:52,833
with a strong German accent.
585
00:23:52,921 --> 00:23:54,150
Well then, who is it?
586
00:23:54,241 --> 00:23:56,233
Well, it's perfectly simple.
587
00:23:56,322 --> 00:23:57,756
It's you.
588
00:23:57,842 --> 00:23:59,435
[GASPS] Edmund!
589
00:23:59,522 --> 00:24:00,273
Baldrick!
590
00:24:00,362 --> 00:24:01,838
Explain yourself, Blackadder,
591
00:24:01,922 --> 00:24:04,639
before I have you shot
for being rude to a lady.
592
00:24:04,723 --> 00:24:06,879
Well, sir, the first seeds
of suspicion were sown
593
00:24:06,963 --> 00:24:09,034
When Lieutenant George unwittingly
594
00:24:09,123 --> 00:24:10,639
revealed that she spoke German.
595
00:24:10,723 --> 00:24:13,192
Do you deny, Nurse Fletcher-Brown…
596
00:24:13,283 --> 00:24:16,000
Or should I say Nurse Fleischer-Baum?
597
00:24:16,084 --> 00:24:18,234
That you helped Lieutenant George
598
00:24:18,324 --> 00:24:19,840
with the German words in his letters?
599
00:24:19,924 --> 00:24:21,073
No, I did, but…
600
00:24:21,164 --> 00:24:22,921
My suspicions were
confirmed when she probed me
601
00:24:23,005 --> 00:24:24,678
expertly about tank movements.
602
00:24:24,765 --> 00:24:26,041
Oh, Edmund, how could you,
603
00:24:26,125 --> 00:24:27,321
after all we've been through?
604
00:24:27,405 --> 00:24:28,841
And then the final, irrefutable proof.
605
00:24:28,925 --> 00:24:30,801
Remember you mentioned a clever boyfriend?
606
00:24:30,885 --> 00:24:31,881
Yes.
607
00:24:31,965 --> 00:24:34,560
I then leapt on the
opportunity to test you.
608
00:24:34,646 --> 00:24:36,922
I asked if he'd been to one
of the great universities…
609
00:24:37,006 --> 00:24:38,838
Oxford, Cambridge, or Hull.
610
00:24:38,926 --> 00:24:39,922
You failed to spot
611
00:24:40,006 --> 00:24:42,920
that only two of those
are great universities.
612
00:24:43,007 --> 00:24:44,042
You swine!
613
00:24:44,127 --> 00:24:46,880
That's right, Oxford's a complete dump!
614
00:24:49,927 --> 00:24:50,998
Well, quite.
615
00:24:51,088 --> 00:24:54,324
No true Englishwoman
could have fallen into that trap.
616
00:24:54,408 --> 00:24:55,964
Oh, Edmund, I thought there was
617
00:24:56,048 --> 00:24:57,364
something beautiful between us.
618
00:24:57,448 --> 00:25:00,641
I thought you… loved me.
619
00:25:00,729 --> 00:25:01,844
Nah.
620
00:25:01,929 --> 00:25:03,158
Take her away, Baldrick.
621
00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:05,842
Raus! Raus!
622
00:25:05,929 --> 00:25:07,442
Well, good work, Blackadder.
623
00:25:07,529 --> 00:25:10,886
Now I'd better go assemble a firing squad.
624
00:25:13,970 --> 00:25:16,041
Watch out, sir!
625
00:25:18,211 --> 00:25:20,407
Darling, what on earth
do you think you're doing?
626
00:25:20,491 --> 00:25:22,327
I'll tell you exactly
what I am doing, sir.
627
00:25:22,411 --> 00:25:23,647
I'm doing what Blackadder
628
00:25:23,731 --> 00:25:25,642
should have done three weeks ago, sir.
629
00:25:25,731 --> 00:25:27,848
This is the guilty man!
630
00:25:27,932 --> 00:25:29,445
Darling, you're hysterical.
631
00:25:29,532 --> 00:25:30,203
No, sir!
632
00:25:30,292 --> 00:25:33,568
No, I'm not, sir!
I'll ask him outright, are you a spy?
633
00:25:33,652 --> 00:25:35,608
Yes, I am a spy!
634
00:25:35,692 --> 00:25:36,842
You see, sir?!
635
00:25:36,933 --> 00:25:40,122
Well, of course he's a spy, Darling…
A British spy!
636
00:25:40,213 --> 00:25:43,604
This is Brigadier Sir
Bernard Proudfoot-Smith,
637
00:25:43,693 --> 00:25:45,443
the finest spy in the British Army!
638
00:25:47,854 --> 00:25:49,686
Bu… But he can't be, sir,
639
00:25:49,774 --> 00:25:51,650
He… He doesn't even sound British.
640
00:25:51,734 --> 00:25:53,610
Unfortunately, I have been working
641
00:25:53,694 --> 00:25:56,651
undercover in Germany
for so long that I have
642
00:25:56,735 --> 00:26:00,211
picked up a teensy-weensy
bit of an accent.
643
00:26:00,295 --> 00:26:03,251
This, Darling, is the man
who told us that there was
644
00:26:03,335 --> 00:26:05,092
a German spy in the
hospital in the first place.
645
00:26:05,176 --> 00:26:06,849
Ah.
646
00:26:06,936 --> 00:26:09,165
MELCHETT: Right, well, that's that, then.
647
00:26:09,256 --> 00:26:10,530
-Blackadder.
-Yes, sir?
648
00:26:10,616 --> 00:26:13,172
You are now head of Operation Winkle.
649
00:26:13,256 --> 00:26:15,089
-Thank you, sir.
-Darling.
650
00:26:15,177 --> 00:26:16,133
Yes, sir?
651
00:26:16,217 --> 00:26:17,890
You are a complete ass.
652
00:26:17,977 --> 00:26:19,853
Thank you, sir.
653
00:26:19,937 --> 00:26:22,413
Right, Bernard, let's go
and watch the firing squad.
654
00:26:22,497 --> 00:26:24,694
Jawohl, mein General!
655
00:26:24,778 --> 00:26:26,928
Sir, what the devil is going on?
656
00:26:27,018 --> 00:26:29,054
I've just seen Nurse Mary
657
00:26:29,138 --> 00:26:30,494
being led away to a firing squad!
658
00:26:30,578 --> 00:26:31,854
Nurse Mary is the spy, George.
659
00:26:31,938 --> 00:26:34,408
-What? Impossible!
-Afraid so.
660
00:26:34,499 --> 00:26:36,854
Well, cover me with eggs and flour
661
00:26:36,939 --> 00:26:39,089
and bake me for 14 minutes.
662
00:26:39,179 --> 00:26:40,772
Who'd have thought it, eh?
663
00:26:40,859 --> 00:26:44,410
Nurse Mary, a Boche nose-poker-inner!
664
00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:45,856
Oh well, lots of exciting stuff to put in
665
00:26:45,940 --> 00:26:49,092
my next letter to my
Uncle Herman in Munich.
666
00:26:49,180 --> 00:26:50,854
Sorry?
667
00:26:50,941 --> 00:26:53,497
Those letters I've been writing
in hospital to my German uncle.
668
00:26:53,581 --> 00:26:55,457
New information, Blackadder?
669
00:26:55,541 --> 00:26:56,576
George.
670
00:26:56,661 --> 00:26:58,297
Oh, yes, well, I know there's a war on,
671
00:26:58,381 --> 00:27:02,052
but family is family and old
Uncle Hermie does so love
672
00:27:02,142 --> 00:27:03,578
to be kept abreast of what's going on.
673
00:27:03,662 --> 00:27:04,818
I even wrote and told him about
674
00:27:04,902 --> 00:27:07,815
old Walrus-Face Melchett
and his smelly old shirts!
675
00:27:07,902 --> 00:27:11,578
Would you like me to tell
this one to the General,
676
00:27:11,663 --> 00:27:14,815
or would you enjoy that
very special moment?